“Falling in love is very real, but I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
Whether it developed into long-lasting and meaningful love or fizzled as nothing more than a summer romance, everyone remembers their first foray into romantic love. The kind of love that feels heart-stopping and overwhelming high-school love or surprise he’s looking less like my good old friend and more like the man I’ve always dreamed about. Whatever form it came in, I can almost guarantee that every nuance is indelibly etched in your mind. No other feeling can have you in your high-school parking lot sobbing on your best friends shoulder because he doesn’t like you the way that you like him and every time you see him play his french horn it makes you die a little more inside…oh, that didn’t happen to you? Um, yeah, me neither, sheesh! Okay, let’s move on. There is a specific joy that comes from brand new love. Like trapped effervescence pushing against the bottom of a champagne cork, it can be a powerful eruption that requires all effort to control random bouts of giggles and deep breath sighs.
This particular feeling is the intoxicating mix of uncertainty, affection and possibility. Emotions, that on their own could be all-consuming. Mixed, these feelings are all together over the moon exciting. Yes, not all brand new love turns into forever love but if you can, for the moment, enjoy all that these special times offer you will find yourself forever treasuring what it was. There is something powerful about looking into the eyes of someone who is choosing your company. You can see it, in the brightness of their eyes or the way his shoulders lean into you while talking with someone else…the draw, that magnetic pull. Suddenly seemingly ordinary trips to Mary Ann’s on 8th Ave. Between 16th St & 15th St. are magically full moments. You look forward to seeing him with the same ferociousness you once had for Jem on Saturday mornings. It’s fun and brand new and allows you to take mental snapshots with every blink of the eye.
In a world focused on how to plan the wedding, navigate the break-up or living post-divorce can we take one small moment to celebrate that budding of a romance. Free from any expectation other than the moment being experienced by the two involved, that beginning love is wonderfully fragile and precious time. One that shouldn’t be fast-tracked because you want to focus on the wedding, marriage, baby, etc. During this beginning part pf spring can we celebrate the first vestiges of love that fill your lungs with excitement, your heart with an extra bah-boom and cheeks with an overflow of heat. Don’t shun it, embrace it and enjoy the awkwardness and uncertainty for as long as it lasts.
- Don’t Rush: Don’t try to turn brand new into permanent after a few dates. Enjoy the not knowing and allow it to develop naturally without you trying to force it into your already specifically enumerated life plan.
- Don’t Get Clingy: I know you love being with him but don’t OD on each other to the point that you fizzle out within weeks.
- Possessive Ain’t Cute: Nothing kills any possibility of a blossoming relationship faster than being possessive. Resist the urge to dig your heels and nails in and threaten never to let go.
- Don’t Say I Love You (If You Don’t Mean It): Those “three magic words” are magical because they should be rare and meaningful. Whether to push things further along or because you feel like you should don’t commit the crime of labeling like as love.
- Accept That It Is What It Is: It’s new, so let it be new. I know that your mind has recreated your dream wedding a thousand times but slow down and just celebrate the moment for what it is.